Sometimes...you often hear that dying isn't easy, just as being born sometimes.. isn't either.
Talking with Geriatrics specialists or listening to my patients, condemned to die by the doctors, I have seen various specific worries that cause a lot of suffering. I transcribe what they expressed below as best I can:
- feeling feel guilty because of one's child's unhappiness
- feeling hopeless, that life has only held suffering
- wanting to say so many things and feeling incapable, so it is better to remain silent…
- having given so much and feeling loneliness...
- not wanting anything, having lost the ability to feel any pleasure…or sense
- nothing matters, not even smiling…
- only waiting to die
- feeling that one does not belong to a family
- feeling that one no longer contributes anything to anyone
- feeling that one's desires do not matter
- feeling diminished
- feeling that one should have done more for one's children
- nobody cares what I think or what I want
- not having been able to die sooner so as to avoid becoming a problem
- I want to die and leave my body that is suffering, but I can't because my family needs me.
This last phrase was pronounced by my step-sister in Serbia, after the Kosovo war, where NATO's bombs wounded the population, also near Belgrade, where my step-sister lived with her family – for 5 generations.
She was 80 years old and in a terrible physical state after having had her legs amputated, having undergone an operation for a fractured skull, spastic.., etc. She was totally dependent on others.
When I visited Yugoslavia, where I taught HEP-courses,
she begged me to help her die. She said: "I want to die and leave my body, which is suffering too much, but I cannot because my family needs me.”
She had always been the "patriarch" for 5 generations; everyone listened to her. Now her voice was gone and it was hard for her to talk because of her spasticity.
The terrible fight between her mind, perfectly lucid and strong, and her body, which no longer obeyed her…it was spastic and immobile, and would not let her sleep. All her energy that could not live in her body was in her mind.
The HEP diagnosis was made through her great granddaughter, who was then 11 years old and who took good care of her great grandmother. She wanted to study medicine. Muscle testing with her, while she thought about her grandmother (my step-sister), showed us how to work. There was a death phobia. (Phobia causes tension.) I stimulated my step-sister's energetic points, etc., talking to her. The energetic connection was optimal.
The great granddaughter saw how her grandmother began to relax. She opened her grandmother's spastic hands and looked into her eyes, which were completely open. My step-sister asked all the family to gather around her bed. To sum up, the most important family reunion. The whole family was surprised by her gestures, which she had not been able to make for a long time— since the bombings— because of her disability.
She said goodbye to each one with a hug. She did not cry, but she said she had done the best thing and, for the first time, she had asked for something for herself, to die tranquilly.
Looking into my eyes, her eyes filled with peaceful and relieved tears and she said: "Now I can go, we are united by a cord of light”.
The peace of her face covers my heart, and I have been able to transmit it to other people.